The Fangs Come Out

My kids are lovely people but, as of late, they turn into monsters at the drop of a hat. One second they’re hugging and laughing, Norman Rockwell style, and all of a sudden the F-A-N-Gs come out. 

My husband and I are sometimes targets of their wrath, but more often these days they turn on each other. Here are a few of the inane things they argued about within the last 24 hours:

• Was one sticking his tongue out under his mask?
• Who’s taller? (it’s not even close)
• Who dropped the noodle on the floor and has to pick it up?
• Whose gets “the good seat” during the movie? (I rue the day I called it this because I haven’t gotten it since)

These are just a few examples to give the gist that these are spats-- super petty and thankfully short-lived...but they bring tears, and ramp up the volume in a house that’s already filled with really loud people (all of us!). I know I’m not the only one dealing with this, nor am I the first or millionth to write about parent burnout as ambient love turns to war at any particular moment. I’m in good company and overall have it really good.

Given that we’re in the middle of a global pandemic, there are so many obvious and reasonable explanations for the attitude uptick. Namely, the kids:

• are in the house...so, so, so much of the time.
• are each other’s only non-adult company that doesn’t require wifi.
• are confused and mad about what’s going on, so take it out on each other.
• are afraid, and don’t know how to talk about it.
• don’t know how long this will be “the new normal.”

So yeah, it all makes sense, but it doesn’t make it easier that we, as their parents, are dealing with these same circumstances. To deal with it (or attempt to), we’ve had to revert to the “Chill the F*** Out” strategies that had been fading out of our repertoire for quite a while-- count backward from 10; take a time out; bore them with talking it out until they forget to be upset. Here are some more carefully-described approaches to incorporating social-emotional learning into our days.

I hold out hope that our kids’ fangs will recede as soon as normalcy returns to our lives (which can’t be soon enough). But it does make me wonder what school reentry will look like for kids more broadly, and what sorts of supports might be needed. Will schools’ efforts to address the inevitable academic setbacks (the COVID-19 Slide) overshadow efforts to address kids’ inevitable social-emotional slides? Given that learning and social-emotional health are so intertwined, a smart approach (not to mention an empathetic and long-term thinking approach) will be to put both issues on equal footing...but as someone who’s been immersed in the education world for a long time, I know that this dual emphasis requires a whole lot of funding, and evidence-based programs, and trained staff, and rubrics to know that such investments are worthwhile in the short- and long-term.

Issues like this keep me up at night, for sure. During the day, my husband and I are doing all we can to keep the kids sane and stay sane ourselves. When the daily spats arise, I try to remember that “this too shall pass,” and that before long our kids will be cracking their usual jokes and rooting for each other again...and that noodle on the floor will make it to the garbage one way or another!

Dice Game 55

One of the best things that has come out of this pandemic for me is that several times each week I get to talk to my best friend as we both get out for a morning walk at the crack of dawn. She has two kids herself, who are 5 and 7, and she’s a teacher (as is her husband), so she’s immersed in this experience from both sides of the school at home experience. A lot of our conversation is reflecting on the trials and tribulations of this time, but we also celebrate each other’s successes. Below I describe one such success, a game her family co-developed and coined Dice Game 55 (which was actually a happy accident of a typo and makes for quite a snazzy name!).

To play:

• Pick a goal number. Depending on the age of your players, this might be something around 40-80.
• Each player takes turns rolling a die and recording the number rolled in their own column.
• On your next turn, add what you rolled to the number in your column. Cross out the old number and record the new one below that one.
• If your total is ever 6 (or another number of your choosing, but not too high unless you’re a glutton for punishment or really love the idea of that giant slide at the end of Chutes & Ladders), you go back to zero.
• Continue playing until one player reaches the goal number. 

You may have played similar games or variation on this one, or received games like this from your child’s teacher. These simple games can be great for quick, fun practice of mental math and basic fluency. Here’s a game Marion received for her kindergartener: Take turns to compete to be the first to roll a die to get the sum of 20. But, if after you roll your sum ends up above 20 (e.g., you had 17 and then rolled 5), then you subtract that new roll from the total.

Going to the Beach: Figuratively and Virtually

Inspired by our first virtual field trip, we decided to head to the beach for some good ole R&R. Listen to the waves, clear your mind, let the sounds of kids playing fall to the background. I never thought it would happen, but I’ve started practicing mindfulness meditation. Inspired by my husband and the fact that Dan Harris’ 10 Percent Happier app is free for 3 months, I thought, if not now, then when?

This was not my first time at the meditation rodeo. My prior attempts were met with frustration that all I could focus on was how uncomfortable I was, how silly it seemed to focus on breathing, how impossible it seemed to focus on breathing, and my general discouragement and feeling that this wasn’t for me. So what was different this time? First of all, I gave up on sitting. I recline in my bed, and I let myself spend a minute or two adjusting pillows and my body until I’m sufficiently comfortable. Second, Dan Harris confirms most of these prior thoughts and beliefs at the beginning of “The Basics” series of meditations, so they seem like they are necessary and normal, rather than problematic and impossible to overcome. Third, each session of “The Basics” walks you through well, the basics of meditation, and goes seamlessly into a short meditation that lets you practice that idea. And fourth, at the end of that short meditation, the instructor says he’s looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, and you get a check mark, and you see stats of how many sessions, minutes, and days in a row you’ve practiced. This was huge for a numbers gal like myself. And I love check marks! Plus, the instructor is so nice. I don’t want to let him down.

I’m one week in, so there is plenty of time to fail my imagined self, but something seems to be happening. Instead of meditation being something to add in or feel like I should do, I’m actually looking forward to practicing. It’s just like Dan (we’re now on a first name basis) says, when you feel the results, you’re motivated to continue. I can literally feel myself becoming calm and feeling like I have some space* (virtual or figurative or whatever one might call it right now) from the beautiful chaos that is my life and home right now.

And for those of you who are thinking about a literal beach, here are some options for a virtual trip from Kidvision or a 1st grade teacher. Or if you prefer variations on this, you might consider visiting a National Park or Zoo, or glancing at beautiful lake destinations.

Not quite feeling like you’re at the beach? You could break out that sand box, or make some kinetic sand inside, and get inspired to build some castles. If you need some tips, here’s a video!




You might take a soak in a bath, perhaps in a bathing suit for ambiance. Depending on your commitment and bath size, you could add bubbles, wear goggles and search for things at the bottom. Bonus points if you have your kids serve you some special beverages or actually get a chance to do some pleasure reading!

Or maybe you’re more into media making. My friend and her daughter made an awesome stop-motion video about dreaming of summer and pretending to swim under a blue blanket.

And don’t forget about your favorite beach games! Even if you can’t be on the sand, many of these can be played on grass. So grab something and toss it, whether it be a ball, frisbee, or those strings with balls for a ladder toss!

* Space right now is hard to come by. If you’re my neighbor and have been worried that I’m slowly dying on my driveway, just know that I’ve found that the warm driveway, with the sun on my face and headphones in my ears, is a delightful place to find quiet, still, peacefulness… at least for 5 minutes!

Failing My Imagined Self

I’m saddened to report that I’m failing my imagined self. I had a long-standing vision of all the things I’d do if I had more time at home. I’d be the same, but different, and better! Granted, I didn’t envision that “a lot of time at home” would also involve playing teacher and trying to manage a full workload, but that doesn’t make the chasm between my actual and imagined self less anti-climactic. Here are some ways in which I’ve been entirely kidding myself (not a comprehensive list).

I always thought that if I had more time at home...

I’d bake bread!
Hot pretzels, challah, bagels...I’d make them all! In the last 2 months I’ve enjoyed seeing these achievements of others pop up on my Facebook feed. No matter how many times I scroll through my photos, I don’t have any like that.

I’d paint!
I enjoy painting, and when I’m working on something, I power through it and can’t wait to start another project...and then my easel -- large, unstable, and constantly set up in the middle of my office -- remains untouched for months and months. “It’s because I’m hardly ever home!,” I told myself…

I’d reorg my closet!
I would achieve the perfect setup. Everything would be reachable, with favorites of everything standing at the ready. Season rotations would be a snap (a commercial break!). The sorting would be clear, consistent, and so easy to maintain. High piles would not exist, of course, but if they did they would NEVER fall over. And the scrunched up plastic bags, single socks, and shirt that’s been crunched up in the corner for a year? Of course those wouldn’t be there anymore.

I’d make donation bags!
Pocketbooks, backpacks, shoes, jackets-- there’s so much that can go, paving the way for the great closet reorg AND giving things to people who need them.

I’d open my mail!
Aside from The New Yorker and The Week (great digestible news magazine!), my mail just sits there...not just for a little bit of time, but for a really, really long time. But that wouldn’t happen if I could be home more!

I’d wipe the wall!
There’s a crayon mark on the wall in the bathroom. It’s been there for at least 2 years. I notice it often (translation: I stare at it daily), and it would probably take 2 minutes to get rid of. I can literally remember thinking, “If I had more time at home I’d definitely take care of that.”

Two months into “more time at home,” a machine made my bread (thank you, Fresh Direct!), the eisel is an obstacle rather than a tool, my closet thinks it’s December, I have things other people want more, and my tea mug is literally on top of a large pile of mail. My imagined self is seriously late for her (my?) debut. But as I wait in anticipation for her (me?) to emerge, I’m wondering if the crayon mark adds a nice splash of color to the bathroom. I was going to start working on all of these things next week, but maybe I’ll hold off on just that one.

Virtual Field Trips

Around here it’s spring break. What? You didn’t notice?

We were supposed to be in Barcelona with our two older boys while our twins spent some quality time in NY with their grandparents. I know many of you had plans that are now cancelled (or hopefully rescheduled). So perhaps you’d like to come along with us on our virtual trip to Barcelona, or maybe you want to use some of these ideas from a giant list of virtual field trips or create your own virtual trip for your preferred destination. Obviously, none of this beats being there in person, but my hope is that it will just make it that much more exciting when we actually experience it live! (On the flip side, travel was a bit easier this way!)

Some of the things the boys were most looking forward to were a soccer (ahem, futbol) match, and a day at the Barcelona Open tennis tournament. I was excited to eat paella, tapas, and churros with chocolate, walk all over, and go to the Picasso Museum. My husband could walk all day and spend endless hours in museums. We all couldn’t wait to speak some Spanish! Turns out, we can do versions of those things right from home!

To start, we viewed Rick Steves’ video on Barcelona, where we enjoyed walking along Las Ramblas and salivating over tapas with him. His introduction to Picasso and Dali were also great. We’re trying to speak in Spanish all week, and using PBS’s Salsa station, Duolingo, and Muzzy for learning and brushing up on our Spanish.

We asked our family who had recently visited Barcelona to be our tour guides. They selected their top 10 photos (okay, maybe 25, but narrowing down photos isn’t easy), put them as their Zoom backgrounds, and shared stories about them to give us a sense of what it was like being there. My brother even included pictures from the balcony of the AirBNB we were going to stay at (on his recommendation), and a picture of Europe at night from the sky as he was flying back home!




Next, we were off to the Picasso Museum for a virtual tour and some photos of highlighted works. To actually be meaningful to kids (heck, to me!) I find it helpful to have some introduction to the artist and their context in history so that I have a lens through which to view the artwork and find it interesting. I found this kid-friendly summary on Pablo Picasso that also has ideas for doing some inspired artwork on your own. Several other museums have virtual options in Barcelona, but my favorite was this special exhibit on the history of clothing and fashion by the Design Museum of Barcelona. It’s actually a Google culture presentation so it’s more interesting than scrolling through pictures of artwork that many other online collections offer. (But if you’re into that, you might check out: highlighted works at the National Art Museum of Catalonia in Barcelona; the archives of the Barcelona Museum of Contemporary Art and bonus selections being shared during the pandemic; pieces from the Museum of the History of Catalonia; and much of the collection from the Design Museum of Barcelona.)

Since there is currently no live tennis to watch, we’ll spend an afternoon watching tennis clips through the ATP Tennis YouTube Channel later in the week. Eating concession-type food will also be a must!

I found this replay of a Barca versus Real Madrid match (apparently not the same line up we were going to see, which had Atletico Madrid--lesson number 1 for me!) from a few years ago. The boys wore their soccer jerseys, and we practiced some fanatic songs and chants. I thought it might be an opportunity for an arts and crafts project to make a sign or one of those giant fingers, but apparently I know nothing about being a soccer fan. Fortunately, you can find a how-to guide on being a soccer fan as well as an analysis of fan type on the internet. We made our own version of tapas to snack on too!

Finally, “we” (by which I mean my husband) made an afternoon of cooking paella. And for dessert, we found SmashMallow Cinnamon Churro, which is perfect for putting in rich hot chocolate, but perhaps your Trader Joe’s has mini-churros that you could also use. And if you’re a baker, here is a recipe!

So where are you off to? I’d love to come along!

Connecting through Media

Contributing Author: Savitha Moorthy, Executive Director of Tandem Partners in Early Learning, and also a fellow parent trying her best to keep it together like the rest of us!

When my son Avi was about 18 months old, one of his favorite tricks was to reach into my pocket while roaring like a tiger. This was his way of asking me to play Daniel Tiger videos on my phone. Like many modern parents, my husband and I have worried from time to time about how we can navigate the tricky territory of media use with a young child--and in our current reality, these concerns have reared their heads again.

Doing away with screens is simply unrealistic even in normal times but it is especially the case at the moment. Also, it just feels like a double standard in a home where the two adults use their laptops and mobile phones for a substantial amount of the day. I don’t claim to have found any answers, but over the last few weeks, my family is evolving towards something that’s working for us: an imperfect mix of media use, conversation, storytelling, and, admittedly, a little electronic babysitting that helps us all hang on to our sanity.

1. We focus on the good stuff.

There’s a reason why Daniel Tiger was one of Avi’s first show. Relatable experiences, characters that model positive traits, and the potential to stimulate comments and questions are the hallmarks of the media we love. When we watch Daniel Visits the Doctor, we compare Daniel’s experience with Avi’s own pediatric appointments. It’s because of Dinosaur Train, Avi has learned to say, “I have a hypothesis,” and now he even knows what that means. From Puffin Rock and Tumble Leaf, he has learned how to channel his curiosity and explore things in the world around him.

2. Screen time sparks conversation.

My husband and I often join Avi when he’s watching a show or playing with an app. We ask him questions about things we’re watching and doing, point out things that are interesting to us, and relate the things in the show or the app to our real life. While this type of interaction is ideal, engaging in it is a luxury. If we’re busy when Avi is watching a video or playing with an app, as is often the case, we try to talk with him about the show afterward, at dinner or bath time, or sometimes even when we are out for a walk. He tells us what he thinks, and while it’s not always coherent, it sure is fun to listen.

3. We connect media with off-screen play and storytelling.

Sometimes the media content leaks off the screen into our life, into our play and storytelling. I have the Peep Family Science app on my phone, and watching the videos and animated stories about ramps has led to hours of fun as we experimented with how objects moved down ramps, developed a language for talking about it (some things roll while other things slide), and, with the help of some corrugated cardboard and a staircase, fashioned some ramps of our own.

4. Screens help us stay in touch with the people we love.

Our childcare provider offers a half hour of virtual programming every day of the week. There’s a song, a book, a craft activity and before you know it, we’re all saying goodbye. A video call with a bunch of four-year-olds is exactly as dysfunctional as you imagine it’s going to be. Children wander on- and off-screen, parents struggle to keep up with the transitions, and the conversation is rich in non-sequiturs. But it is the best thirty minutes of our day: the virtual school gives our family one little anchor around which we structure our daily routine and the opportunity for Avi to connect with his teachers and his friends is priceless.

Our system is far from perfect.

Like all families, we have breakdowns from time to time, and we struggle with them. It is often companionable to sit on the couch together, doing parallel play with our respective media—but Avi is usually not ready to stop when we are ready for him to, and this story always ends in tears.

Although we are pretty relaxed about screen time at home, especially now, we do have some clear boundaries. The television comes on only when we’re intentionally watching something. There are no screens while we’re eating or before bed time. We prioritize spending time outdoors over staying home. We’re lucky to live in a place where going outside is an option almost all year round, but even when it isn’t, we try to find something to do where we can move our bodies. I’ve learned the hard way that burning energy is key to a successful afternoon nap, and it keeps us (adults and children) away from the temptation of screens.

School at Home

Recently I was lucky enough to be interviewed by our local news station about how to support learning at home during this pandemic. For those who missed me, here is the segment!

I was really proud of how it came out, but I had about 10 minutes worth of stuff I wanted to share and only about 10 seconds to convey it in. Lucky for you, here are my more detailed thoughts:

It’s not Homeschooling

I was really glad this point came through. There are still teachers reaching out with specific resources and assignments, and doing their best to support learning from a distance. Parents across the country and world did not have a sudden philosophical shift--the vast majority of us plan to send our kids back to school literally the second they reopen! And true homeschooling uses the community’s resources to support learning in a way that is also impossible now. But we can take some of the principles of homeschooling and apply them to the current situation by remembering not to try to teach and support our children in isolation, and to connect with people, experiences, and resources virtually.

Silver Lining

We have the opportunity to individualize and highlight the learning in our own interests and hobbies and that of our children, generating excitement, creativity, and energy for learning. Differentiated learning is incredibly difficult in a full classroom, and now learning can truly be at the level of your child. And skills and dispositions towards learning that are also incredibly difficult to foster at school are perfect for learning at home through projects, pursuing curiosity, and playing with siblings or family members that know more or less about a topic or have more or less experience with a skill. All of these are incredible gifts we can give our children to be lifelong learners, and that will help them when they return to school.

Screen Time: Quality over Quantity

Even before the pandemic, experts and researchers were differentiating between the content of media, contexts in which it was being viewed, played, or used, and the quantity of time spent with devices and screens. Using digital resources to learn, to collaborate, to connect, to move, and to spark interest and creativity is very different than using digital resources to relax and find general entertainment. Still, media is also designed for vegging out, and can and should be used for that, especially in times like we’re currently experiencing. However, as much as possible, watch or play together, talk about what you’re watching or playing, and make connections from the digital world to the real world.

(As a side note, Vermont PBS now has daily curriculum and programming by age group! And this spreadsheet of livestreams has a great calendar/schedule organized by topics and ages!)

Sifting through the Deluge of Resources

We are all being inundated with suggested resources to use with our kids. It’s truly overwhelming, even for those of us trained in evaluating these resources. Sometimes being overwhelmed by choice can actually paralyze us. Perhaps paradoxically, fewer choices is always better than too many choices. I remember feeling this way about pregnancy and parenting books, and my husband and I decided we would pick one or two books that we connected with and then ignore all the other options. (For the record, we are What to Expect and 1, 2, 3 Magic people.) It really allowed us to actually read and understand what those books had to say rather than gleaning a bit from a wide range of things, never truly getting an in-depth understanding of development or specific parenting strategies. It’s the same with all these resources we’re being sent right now. When you find one or two that speak to you and your family, stick with those. You’ll get more into them and get more out of them. Learn with them. Expand on the stories or ideas within them. Continue with those characters off the screen. Talk about the ideas on a walk. Less is truly more in this instance.

Connection

Digitally or not, we should focus on interaction and collaboration. I’ve said it repeatedly and will say it again: learning is inherently social! Kids are really missing their teachers and their friends, their routines and their activities--their normal! Even though connecting with those things is different now, it is still possible through video chats, telephone calls, letter writing, livestreams or recorded videos. Keeping the local connection (i.e., videos from actual teachers, instructors, coaches, and librarians that they know and recognize) helps with this different way of connecting feeling as normal as possible. And our relatives are now also at home and have time to talk and interact from their side of the screen, so utilize them!

Routine and Structure

Kids thrive on routines and predictability, and for some, school was the only place they were receiving this. I won’t say more here, but you can refer back to our prior posts on our routines!

The Importance of Choice and Agency

Keeping a schedule does not take away choice and flexibility, which are key ingredients of successful learning environments. Kids can select the order and pace of what they do, select what they will do to check off a category in their schedule, or make suggestions for what could go in a schedule. For example, movement/outdoor time allows them to decide if they will go for a walk, play catch, do a yoga video, have a dance party, or something else. They can decide they need a half hour of movement time before and after they do a learning activity, and structure their schedule accordingly. They could even coordinate with a sibling and plan an independent activity while the other is participating in a class meeting. Speaking of which, make sure to include some free choice and independent time in the schedule to give them practice at following their interests and managing (a limited number of) choices, and giving them a chance to have a break from the people surrounding them non-stop. This practice will help avoid the question, “What can I do?” and keep kids motivated and engaged. And flexibility is so important because spontaneity is exciting, and because sometimes you need to seize the moment and go for a hike or watch a family movie.

Attention Spans

Preschoolers can focus for about 10 minutes, early elementary students for about 15-20, and upper elementary students for about 25-30. Not only do we need to keep this in mind when we consider how we chunk our time for learning, but we should also consider it as we think about the total learning time for the day. By separating out the learning time from all the other valuable purposes of school (if you’re really interested, here’s a longer version of this point), kids don’t need a full school day to get through their learning. That’s what leaves time for unexpected learning, playing, relaxing, cooking, virtual playdates, and household chores (ha!)! And that also means that supporting your child’s learning for 1-2 hours each day is plenty. The other times can be learning through activities, games, movement, or other things on their own or with a sibling or with a virtual partner.

Treat Yourself with Kindness

In case you haven’t noticed, this gig is really, really hard! Remember to be kind to yourself, notice your feelings and those of your children, accept that they are normal, and treat yourself with breaks and rewards! Our basic tendencies, for better or for worse, are being unveiled right now. Our typical ways of coping and of being have been ripped out from under us (not to mention our families being at work with us!), plus the necessity for these strategies has increased tremendously. I cannot emphasize enough how challenging that is, but perhaps I don’t need to since we are all in it! And we are in it together!

Finding the Humor in Failure

We write a lot about what we’re doing and ideas for how to promote and extend learning with our children. We often forget to point out the spectacular failures that occur each and every day (and are an inevitable part of all of this!) alongside these successes. In an effort at being transparent, this post opens the doors on our imperfections. And we approach it with humor (like this amazingly funny article on how to stop all that fighting!), so that we don’t just cry and have a pity party.

1. Chalk Stations

On a recent walk we came across a path with stations described in chalk at regular intervals. For example, do 20 jumping jacks or jog to the next station or hop like a bunny to the next station. There were even messages along the way like, “Give someone a compliment!” I thought this was a great idea, and given that we have a block that is a half mile around, I set out with all 4 kids, 3 scooters, and chalk to do the same right in our own neighborhood. Here’s what I didn’t count on:

• One of the twins took a solid face-first spill over a small crack in the pavement. There was lots of blood flowing from her lip and chin. And there were lots of tears. I had one tissue in my pocket. 
• It takes a lot more chalk than I realized to write big letters, so my fingers are scraped up from using the last bits of chalk. More blood. Same one tissue.
• Half a mile is a lot longer than you think when you’re trying to come up with stations every driveway or so. If you find our stations, you can probably guess where we started and where we ended. You have to hop on one foot for a lot farther than you would like I’m guessing. And you probably would have been happy walking on your tippy toes or doing a silly dance for a while longer.
• “Spit to the next tree” is supposed to be “Sprint to the next tree.” Apologies in advance.
• Planks and pushups aren’t that comfortable on concrete, but one of our kids insisted.
• I didn’t bring snacks on this epic journey. It took us an hour to get around the block and complete this activity, which in the world of toddlers is similar to the time between breakfast and dinner. And apparently pockets full of acorns, leaves, and pine cones don’t substitute for human food.

On the bright side, I’ve seen some of our neighbors using the station ideas as they go by all day, so it was all worth it! And, when the boys need to move, I can send them out to do a round of stations and they are still enjoying it!



2. Is a Pandemic Really the Time?

Treading the line between parent and teacher can often be a challenge, particularly as someone who typically struggles with things being “enough.” In talking to a friend about whether to push my son to dig deeper into an assignment, trying to slow him down and stop the rushing to get to something else, she so kindly noted, “I’m not sure a pandemic is the right time for that.” This immediately cracked me up too, because it is kind of ridiculous to think that this was the time for that. Snap out of it! This is not the opportunity of this pandemic. Quality time and fun and organic learning is the opportunity. (Note that we have a lot more to say about this, so stay tuned...)

3. General Losing Our Sh**

I seriously hope that this blog has not given anyone the impression that we have it all together. We don’t. We are trying our best, just like you are. Some days go well, some days are great, some days are a mess, some days I’d do over, some days I’d just erase. And really I shouldn’t even be talking about days. We have minutes or hours that are wonderful, and we have minutes and hours that are terrible. And they can coexist or happen side by side. Try to remember something good that happened or that you learned or that you will do next time. Remember that the Rose, Thorn, and Bud all exist together. And perhaps it’s good to remember that it’s not just children who are regressing now, and that’s normal too. Guess that wasn’t really funny. Sorry about that.

4. Asking for Help

I’ve jumped on the Brene Brown bandwagon, so I’ll leave you with this quote from her book Rising Strong about how we all need each other:

“In The Gifts of Imperfection (excerpt and talk), I define connection as ‘the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.’ Connection doesn’t exist without giving and receiving. We need to give and we need to need. This is true at work and at home.

In a culture of scarcity and perfectionism, asking for help can be shaming if we’re not raised to understand how seeking help is human and foundational to connection. We can encourage our children to ask for help; however, if they don’t see us reaching out for support and modeling that behavior, they will instead attach value to never needing help. We also send strong messages to the people around us, including our children, friends, and employees, when they ask for help, and in return, we treat them differently--as if they are now less reliable, competent, or productive. The bottom line is that we need each other.”

And since this post was supposed to be funny, here are a few parting jokes (and a place to find more second grade-ish humor):

Question: Why did the pineapple take off his pants? Answer: I don’t know! I wasn’t there!

Question: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? Answer: Because he had no body to go with.

Question: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Answer: Supplies!

And for those of us who live in a world of Zoom these days, check out this Zoom parody!

Playing and Then Making: Top Trumps

For a few months now my kids, especially my kindergartener, have been hooked on a card game called Top Trumps. In line with the “learning is inherently social” theme of the week, we play in pairs and as a family, and enjoy it as a way to spend time together AND hopefully hit on some math concepts and strategies along the way. There are a gazillion different Top Trumps decks, but here’s a typical card from one:

Each Top Trumps deck has a theme (in this case, Minions: Despicable Me 3) with a list of theme-specific categories that are listed on each card (here, they’re Courage, Goofiness, Knowledge, Fun, and Top Trumps Rating). Within each deck, cards differ in the number assigned to each of those categories.

To play, each person starts with the same number of cards. The youngest player starts the game, and then the winner of the last round starts each subsequent round. This player looks at the top card in their pile and chooses which category is in play (so here, they might say “Knowledge: 35”). Players reveal the card at the top of their pile, and the one with the highest number in the chosen category wins everyone’s card for that round. The game continues until one player collects all of the cards in the deck.

A great thing about this game is that it teaches the idea of a distribution; in this Minions deck, for example, an 8 is a high Courage rating, but 16 is not a high Goofiness rating. Over time, you learn which category to favor for particular cards, and during a particular game it’s useful to remember who has the top card for particular categories (and when that card is coming up). The more you play with a single deck, the better you get, which proved to be great for my kindergartener who has mastered several decks.

Our first deck was the Despicable Me 3 deck, which forever will have nostalgic value because we played it endlessly on our pre-COVID vacation. I think we can each recite the numbers on each card in our sleep. Since then, winning purchases have included two Harry Potter decks and a Guinness World Records deck (warning: the Most Weight Lifted by Nipples card is really hard to look at). We also got a Wonders of the World deck, which the kids declared was boring/too schooly almost right away-- FAIL!

A fun extension of this is that they each created their own Top Trumps deck. C initiated this (but his deck is still in the works), and E watched closely before quickly following suit. Their decks are totally playable AND will serve as great reminders of their current interests/obsessions. For C, it’s all about the Red Sox and for E, it’s all about Pokemon (his second deck features Sonic the Hedgehog):

I like that for C it has required some thought, baseball card sorting, and internet searching to get good distributions for things like batting average, home runs, RBIs, etc., while also giving his favorite players an edge. I’d say the modification experience has been thumbs up all around, except that I find the f***ing cards everywhere I turn...and I mean everywhere!

Board Games

We’re sure you’ve noticed by now that we’re often describing play-based, or interest-driven, learning in this blog. Taking the time to observe and play with your kids can show you how they are constantly learning. Having a way to label or notice the specific aspects of learning within that play can not only be satisfying to you as an adult, but it can help you to highlight and amplify it for kids and solidify their learning. (This article talks about these opportunities for noticing, highlighting, and amplifying math learning, and references some great work by our colleagues too!)

Games can support social and emotional learning skills. Two of our colleagues recently wrote an article noting the benefits of games in developing and practicing problem-solving skills, perseverance, and growth mindset. Just remember that a game is still primarily a game, and don’t dwell on the learning over the fun.

Recently we broke out Monopoly in our house. I figured a longer game isn’t as impossible these days. There is adding and subtracting money, there is doubling rent for monopolies, there is strategy (and a lot of luck!), and there’s teamwork and collaboration in making deals and trades. And the fact that the game takes a while also means it requires planning ahead, sticking with it even when things aren’t going your way, considering changes to strategy when unexpected things happen, and so on. When you notice these areas of learning (and can maintain patience), letting the child be the banker, or not immediately telling them how much change they should receive, allows them to practice their mental calculations. Describing your thought process out loud about how you are deciding whether a deal is fair or not (Would I do it in reverse? How much is what I’m offering worth and how much is what they are offering worth? What will it mean for the game if I make this trade? If I make this trade, what leverage does it give me or the other person for a subsequent trade? What is more valuable to me right now in the game, money or property?) models these planning and problem-solving skills.



I came across this list of 20 board games by age that might remind you of some of your favorites that you haven’t considered playing in a while. Break it out, and remember, you’re learning, so just relax and have fun!

Since this week we’re focusing on collaborative learning, keep in mind games where players must work together to win, like Richard Scarry's Busytown or Peaceable Kingdom games like Hoot Owl Hoot or Seeds for the Birds or Cauldron Quest.

And stay tuned for using games as your launching pad for even more collaborative learning!

Collaborative Learning

Learning is inherently social. We learn with and from each other: by figuring out how to explain something; by listening and understanding; by sharing in a new experience; by learning alongside someone who has more practice; by watching a more expert peer succeed at a challenging task. Hearing something someone says or does might spark an idea or a question that leads us to learning something unexpected. Listening to a podcast or watching a show may cast an idea in a new light. There are so many ways that we learn together! In that spirit, Marion and I are collaborating this week, writing some joint blog posts and inviting others to share their thinking as well.

So what are some ways to do collaborative learning at home? While siblings make some of this more intuitive, it can also make things more difficult (remember the War of the Roses scene Marion described here?), so don’t let that be a roadblock. Our family has devoted an hour in the afternoon to what we’re calling “Collaborative Learning/Explore Time.” We’ve agreed that it can be playing a game or doing a puzzle together, learning something together, or creating something together, but it can also be something to share with someone else. Writing letters or drawing pictures for others fits this category, as does designing something with someone else in mind, like creating your own lesson (a surprising hit and a surprising realization that this is hard and takes some trial and error, followed by refinement, and then re-testing). Or like Marion mentioned in her Making Media blog post, creating and performing tricks or skits, or making an exercise video! (By the way, this exercise video was a huge hit with all of my kids because seeing other kids as teachers is really exciting, made them feel like they can do it, and inspired them to do something similar!)

Collaborative learning can happen spontaneously and unexpectedly too! Today we got some new ping pong balls. When opening the package, one fell out and amazingly provided a half an hour of learning and exploring disguised as playing. Our twins watched where the ball would bounce or roll, following it around and giggling the whole time. Then they tried to roll the ball to specific places. There were lots of misses of the desired target, lots of moving of the target to try and catch the ball, and more giggles. What they didn’t realize, of course, was that they were learning about trajectories, friction, ramps and motion, about experimentation and asking questions, and about trial and error. And not realizing any of that is really the beauty of it all!

Finally, remember your non-quarantine village and reach out virtually to support collaborative learning! What skills, crafts, or other ways do friends or relatives have to play or learn virtually with your child? Heck, what can someone else do on the other side of the screen to entertain your child? My dad is giving my oldest son Hebrew lessons via Zoom, my friend’s mother-in-law is reading books to her son during their family quiet time, my brother’s kids performed a virtual concert on the piano and cello for our family, my boys often have video chats or virtual playdates with friends where they share new magic tricks or jokes they’ve learned. While my kids have not yet had interest, I’ve been excited about the potential of writing up interview questions and interviewing friends or families and then writing up news-like stories for a family newspaper or magazine. Or creating their own game. Or creating a scavenger hunt. Or starting a garden. Or using Peppa Pig as the inspiration behind a family skit.

As we think about supporting our children at home, this creative time to learn with and from others in new and different ways seems like a real opportunity. Keeping learning fun and interest-driven will not only help kids over their boredom hump, but it may actually lead to their learning in new ways without them even realizing it (a la ping pong chase)!

Caps for Sale

Most of us know the classic book Caps For Sale by Esphyr Slobodkina, but in case you need a refresher… A peddler carries all his hats on his head, neatly stacked and organized by color, trying to sell them. As the day rolls on, he finds his way to the shade of a tree to rest, being careful not to disturb his hats. As he naps, some monkeys snatch up his hats and then sit with them in the tree above him. When he awakes, he tries to cajole the monkeys into giving him his hats back with some finger shaking and hand wringing and foot stomping, but the monkeys just “tsz” him, and his anger grows until he throws his only hat on the ground. To his surprise, the monkeys copy him and begin to throw their hats to the ground! The book ends with the peddler reorganizing his caps by color, placing them on his head, and returning to his regular business of selling caps.

At first I was surprised to find myself thinking about this book on a recent walk I was taking. But then I realized how apt a metaphor that book is for our current situation. We are all wearing many hats right now, and there are oh so many monkeys out there messing with them. And the more we meet those monkeys with anger and frustration, the more we will have it mirrored right back at us. But connecting with those monkeys will let us sort through our hats, reorganize them, and keep on walking. Here’s what I mean:

Wearing Many Hats

Right now we are wearing all those hats--parent, partner, teacher, house cleaner, master organizer, manager of technology, professional, referee, and plain own self! We definitely wish we could sell some of those hats. Heck, “50 cents a hat” is sounding pretty darn good right about now! Not only are we wearing all of those hats, but the roles that they represent have morphed and changed at an alarmingly rapid rate. What it means to be a parent right now is quite different than when we had options for breaks from our children, when we weren’t responsible for supporting their learning at home, when they could play sports or be physically with their friends, when we weren’t worried about ourselves or others getting sick, etc. And being a parent of children who are at different stages of learning, development, and emotion means that it’s really not a single hat. Keeping those new, multiplied, stretched out hats balanced on our heads has become precarious. How can we organize them and make them neat again?

As always, I don’t really know how we organize those hats to balance them nicely on our heads. But as someone who has always preferred neat and tidy to messy, here is what I’m learning right now. Shifting between hats is really challenging! Recognizing which hat I’m currently wearing and which hat is being asked for is definitely helpful in meeting the need coming at me. And recognizing that it can take time to switch hats is also important. Give yourself a minute, or a breath, and then orient yourself to what new thing is in front of you. Also, if you can avoid shifting repeatedly and rapidly, that seems ideal. For me this means that I have 2 hours in the morning where I’m mom to 4 kids and we eat and play and try to get outside. Then I have an hour and a half with my older 2 kids where I am mom and teacher supporting their learning. Then I have 4 hours where I put on that professional hat. Then back to mom… So I have transitions between my roles, but I have chunks of time where I’m wearing just one or a couple of those hats. (I know many of you don’t have the same options for structuring your time, but hopefully there are still chances to chunk your times in ways that help minimize role transitions.)

Monkey Business

Okay, reality check: There are multiple interruptions to the time engrossed in a particular role. At any moment, I can become a referee, technology manager, or house cleaner (how did yogurt end up there?!). We are going to stumble when our caps are removed, switched, and out of order, and the messiness that was hidden in that neat stack is bound to be revealed. I guess we just embrace the honesty of that, and try to feel okay about it.

Then there’s the fact that there is an abundance of uncertainty about how long we will be in our current situation, what further changes in routines or schedule we will need to navigate, and the resulting emotions that are a part of all of that. Since there are 7 of us living in our house, there are a lot of cycles through emotions, and the cycles have higher peaks, lower valleys, and are more condensed. But when I think of all that is being thrown at me as “monkey business,” it can feel just a little bit lighter and I can feel a little bit better. Maybe it will for you too.

Throw Down Your Hat

It seems that at some point each day there is a moment of acceptance (or perhaps it looks like resignation, but I think it might have a kernel of acceptance buried under it). “Okay, we’re really doing this for another day.” And miraculously, when that moment arrives is when we each typically rise to the occasion. When we were fighting against those monkeys, they were fighting right back. But when we realized that those monkeys just want to play with us, we can look up and gain a new perspective. We can begin to pick up and organize those hats and keep on walking. And lo and behold, when we pick up our hats and keep on walking along, our children tend to follow.

The closest picture I could find to multiple hats!

A Vulnerable Moment

As the reality of how long this situation will last sinks in, some of us (myself included) are having intense emotional moments. And I mean intense. I had a dream that I went to a restaurant and was offered a giant ball of icing, for free! Seriously though, I think this was my brain trying to tell me it’s time for a reward. But with the finish line not yet visible, we may need to find new rewards and intermediate ways of supporting ourselves.

As parents, we keep hearing that we need to keep things as normal as possible for kids, supporting and checking in with them. What questions are they pondering? What worries are they feeling? What are they most missing? But this makes it so easy to forget to check in with ourselves. And we must! Without doing that it will become harder to keep checking in and supporting our children, and doing so provides models of self-care and demonstrates strategies of stress-reduction and wellness that children can absorb and emulate.

I saw this piece that really spoke to me: Parents Are Not OK. I’ve been thinking this so much. My husband’s job is secure, my job is flexible and part-time. We have a full-time live-in au pair. My husband’s training includes parenting and mine includes education. Our kids are eager learners. We are the 0.01% in this case. And it’s still hard. Very hard. How are families really supposed to do this? While you are working, you can’t also be homeschooling, nor can you actually be spending devoted non-learning time with your kids. While you’re with your kids, you can’t also be working productively. It doesn’t add up, and something has to give. As the author notes, it’s still unclear what can give, but from my perspective step 1 is recognizing that the situation is untenable and starting to make some realistic expectations (a la Stop Trying to Be Productive). Then, build in self-care and rewards!

I think each person needs to consider what self-care and reward looks like for them, but just remember a little can go a long way (not that you don’t deserve a lot!). And consider thinking about what brings meaning to you, not just pleasure (On Coronavirus Lockdown? Look for Meaning, Not Happiness). Something I need to work on is not feeling guilty about making and taking that time, even if it requires 2 episodes of Paw Patrol to get it!

A close friend reminded me of a tradition my family used to do every night (hey, we had twins and admittedly a lot has fallen by the wayside…) where each person shared their Rose, Bud, and Thorn from the day. Turns out this is a thing, so perhaps you’ve already heard of it. Basically, you reflect on something from the day that went well (Rose), something that did not go well (Thorn), and something you’re looking forward to (Bud). It’s a great way to check-in with everyone about how they are doing, but it also gives a nice chance to be grateful and optimistic, which are critical during times like the present and can go a surprisingly long way towards kickstarting self-care (and finding meaning). And, it’s easy. It takes 5 minutes and can be done over dinner, during a bath, or before bedtime.

A quick aside: While we did forego this nightly tradition a couple of years ago, we did begin a gratitude practice where we go around the dinner table sharing something we are grateful for. One night a few months ago, one of our two year olds didn’t miss a beat when it was her turn, and said, “I’m grateful for Dunkin’ Donuts!” (For those who know me, I am definitely grateful for DD, but I had not actually said it out loud.) And of course the reaction she received meant that she spent the next two weeks being grateful for DD!

Making Media: The No-Screens Loophole

For a lot of kids, creating media can be as fun as consuming it. My 4th grader loves making and sharing videos, and little brother E (and the rest of us) love to go along for the ride. He uses iMovie to put them together, and then posts them on YouTube after we review and give him the go-ahead.

C is a Dude Perfect fanatic, so capturing trick shots has been a common theme in our family videos. Typically the videos have brought together a motley (but impressive, IMHO) mix of trick shots; last week’s Breakfast at Our House was our foray into themes. Other family videos feature our competitive spirits at their very best (so says an undefeated bubble-blowing champion). Now more than ever, while other options are so limited, putting these together is a favorite way to spend time together.

In Week 1 of schools being closed, trick shots made their way into C’s virtual playdates, which I loved but would have had a hard time predicting or even imagining. I hoped making videos remotely with friends would become a regular thing, but since then Fortnite has come to dominate C’s screen time with his buddies (I’m uneasy about this, given that we don’t even let a Nerf gun into our house). Fortunately, ideas for making media continue to pop up and inspire action, as you can see in this exercise video the kids made last week after seeing one from their PE teacher.

Like many parents, I want to limit the time my kids spend in front of screens, and I want to positively influence what they’re doing when they are using them. When it comes to creating media, time restrictions are waived-- a phenomenon that C has aptly called “the no-screens loophole.”

Perhaps up next: the kids have been intent on breaking a Guinness World Record. So far I’ve successfully steered them away from their initial proposal...

…Whatever record they commit to will no doubt be media-worthy, so I guess we can consider this a To Be Continued...

Following Their Lead

Learning happens naturally all the time, and the more we follow our children’s lead with this, the less we actually have to do.

Preschool Edition

I’ve discovered that books combined with songs are the way to go with my girls. Going on a Bear Hunt has been a hit with all of my kids. Recently we’ve discovered Mr. Steve performing the book as an interactive song, there’s the reading of the book by Michael Rosen and Helen Oxenbury, and there’s the Cosmic Yoga version too. And then, take it off the screen! Set up household items as squishy grass, squelchy mud, or a cave/fort. Go outside for a walk and pretend like you’re on a bear hunt. You could hide a teddy bear somewhere and lead the kids on a path to it, or a sibling or parent could hide behind a tree and pop out and chase everyone. There are plenty of other ways to continue the adventure with pictures, surprise twists or even changes in the story!

Pete the Cat is another great launching place since many of the books have songs within them and are stories that are easy to re-enact in person or with stuffed animals, or to add surprise twists and changes to the story. You can use playdough to change the color of shoes, or use paint/markers to fill in outlines of shoes to create your own story book. What better message for today than: no matter what you step in, just keep on walking along and singing your song!

For more ideas, here are 32 Resources for Entertaining Toddlers and Preschoolers. But my point is always that this is just the beginning. Taking what your child brings into their imaginations from the screen or book is where the learning and play and fun just begins!

And a plug for Together Tales with the Whitman Storytellers. My husband and I worked with the Whitmans at the Hong Kong International School the year that SARS hit, and aside from being awesome people, they are also amazing teachers, storytellers, and experts at staying connected during quarantine.

K-2 Edition

Who doesn’t love bubbles? No, seriously. Tip: If you dip your hands in the bubble solution, then you can touch and catch and put your finger through bubbles. And go figure? Cosmic Yoga has a mindfulness video on thought bubbles. A stretch? Well, bubbles are elastic! And speaking of a stretch, why not have siblings make and use thought bubbles to communicate with each other in a new way, or have kids make cartoons with speech bubbles?

Another fun idea that our kids came up with during their collaborative learning time is to let us have a date night at home. They created the menu (prix fixe menu consisting of crackers and canned soup, but hey it’s better than having to cook myself!), set and wrote reasonable prices, and then prepared, served, and calculated the cost for their fine service (if they try to gouge you, just give a tip and consider the meal free--ha!). *Disclaimer: We have an amazing au pair and she was heavily involved in this effort.

3-5 Edition

Most kids are loving the chance to play digital games, but now they get to be the expert. Have them write a review or market it with media they create. What is the game? How do you play? What are the best parts or the hardest parts? What can you learn by playing the game? What are your pro tips?

Speaking of writing, for kids who enjoy creative writing, they might enjoy these online tips and classes by Story Pirates!

Finally, my older son loves to do “research,” which often means looking things up on the internet. I’ve been trying to figure out how to carefully monitor and focus his searches. So I had him come up with a topic to research, we brainstormed questions we have about it, and then I found 5 sites that he could use to do his research. I pasted the links within the document so that there weren’t just blind Google searches happening. And then it actually became his own launching pad. He did a “report” on Jupiter, and then decided to write a science fiction story using some of the things he learned about space and Jupiter to create realistic features (and totally made up adventures) for his story.

Do you have other ideas to share? Launch them our way!

Ideas from YOU

We hope that you are enjoying and benefiting from our posts on this blog, and we really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and ideas with us! In that spirit, and to encourage more sharing, here are some of the gems we’ve received from you:

Jumping Letter Party: For morning movement, our two kids (5 and 7) have a jumping party, and it has a letter of the day theme. As they jump, they come up with words that start with that letter and make a plan of what they will do with them. After they finish jumping, they might act out the words for parents to guess. They might use Legos or playdough to create the letter. They might cut out a giant letter and write as many of the words as they can on that letter. Finally, they use pipe cleaners to add to a growing alphabet decoration on the mantle.


Graphing Playdough Colors: The picture explains it all, but you could imagine doing this with other toys or household items, or even with things you collect outside!



Playing Hangman: Can you solve the puzzle?        

Neighborhood Scavenger Hunt: Starting from a park or central location, families have put together scavenger hunts using natural clues, but you could also make your own. (Or get some inspiration on PBS Kids with this Nature Cat Scavenger Hunt and related episode, or with this Daniel Tiger clip, or this Shape Hunt with Dinosaur Train! You could get some inspiration and practice some measurement and counting skills with this Peg+Cat Treasure Hunt video too!)

Neighborhood Dance Parties: At the same time, everyone puts on music and starts dancing. Stream it with friends on Facebook or go out on your lawn to dance from a distance with your neighbors. (Our oldest’s band teacher just told all the 4th graders to go outside at noon on Thursdays and play a song on their instrument for others to hear. Thank you, thank you for the recommendation to play their instrument outdoors-ha!)

Neighborhood Art Show: As your children make artwork, display it on a door or window so that people passing by can see it. You can also use chalk on driveways or sidewalks to say hello to walkers passing by and to share art and spread joy.

And finally, some Funnies to start off your week:

I’m loving the Borowitz Report! Here’s one on Trump distancing himself from his prior comments, and another on Trump and his TV Ratings!

In honor of April Fool’s Day, Marion included this amazing-ness in the notes about potential future projects from our Leadership Meeting at work this week:

KidLaunch: NASA is looking for a research team to support its 2021 initiative to send 10 children, ages 2-8 to the moon. The aim is to examine whether early, real-world space experiences lead to a better understanding of Earth and Space Science, relative to children’s Business-As-Usual exposure to related concepts and skills.

And I saw this tweet featured in a list put together by the Huffington Post: "Parents! Please post the board games and non-iPad things you are doing with your kids this week so I can block you!"

Our Routine

Yesterday Deb shared her family’s typical daily schedule, which bears some resemblance to the schedule we’ve been keeping with our kids. I’ve similarly found it works best for everyone to have a routine that’s relatively consistent from day-to-day and incorporates school work, outside time, [virtual] friend time, and family time.

This has been the general flow of my kids’ day, beginning with E bright-eyed (morning person) and C slow-and-cranky (like me, NOT a morning person).

Morning Walk	Rain or shine, they start the day with a walk around the neighborhood. The “leader” decides the route and tracks steps using a FitBit, recording the number of steps on each street. When they get home they each draw a map of the route. I’ll elaborate on this in some future post.
School Work	I mentioned in a past post that each of my kids gets a daily set of assignments from their teachers. My kindergartener gets little out of those activities when I’m not sitting there to guide, adapt, and talk about them, so my home base is at a table with him...but I run back and forth (and back and forth and back and forth) to my 4th grader-- usually to help with an assignment, but also to make sure he’s using his Chromebook to tell friends that this isn’t a good time to play Fortnite. For him, the goal to get through the more difficult and heftier assignments first, since this is when he’s best at focusing (despite not being a morning person).
Snack	This is preceded by an onslaught of “Is it snack time yet?” Usually by this time the school has sent morning announcements. In addition to featuring cute kids saying the Pledge of Allegiance, we find it a welcomed excuse to look at something other than each other. E’s kindergarten teacher also has been sending daily read-alouds of books, and even a 4th grader and 42 year-old think this goes great with peanut butter crackers and lemonade.
Exercise!	Ignoring all recommendations to digest before you exercise, Snack Time leads into a daily fitness video. We started with yoga, but we all find it boring. Moe Jones has been a hit, especially on April Fools when you insert a contortionist, but I can’t say I’ve done a landscape review and would love recommendations for fast-paced, kid-friendly exercise videos that work for 3 klutzy people in a small space. If the video’s relatively short (~15 minutes), they each choose a bonus Go Noodle video.
School Work	Same as before. By this time the Math and one or more Reading/Writing assignments are done, so it’s about finishing those and doing the other stuff that their teachers assigned.
Lunch	Self-explanatory, and a time for the kids to be together and away from “school” work. We make a loose plan for the rest of the afternoon.
Afternoon Hodgepodge	Depending on the weather and the day, this usually involves a combination of the following and/or other things that come up: Biking/scooting Backyard baseball. Art: sometimes school sends art activities. They also like drawing videos (Art Hub for kids, Mo Willems videos, and supposedly beginning today we can get a bit of Dav Pilkey) Make your own game: creating modified versions of games they like is turning into a hobby for both of them. I’ll post an example soon.  Board games: prior posts (like here) call out some heavy hitters, like Monopoly. The old Mad Magazine game is also a kid favorite.  Card games like Uno, Spot It!, Blink, or Top Trumps. Independent reading. Nintendo Switch.  Virtual playdates: these are daily for C at 4:30 and involve a group of friends eager to see each other. They yell at the top of their lungs while they play Roblox or Fortnite. E “sees” a friend most days, too, and they co-read a book (Like a Mo Willems’ Elephant & Piggie book, with each playing a character) or compare Pokemon cards. He does point out daily that C gets to see more friends than he does, and usually for longer. Strong sense of fairness.
Dinner	Now more than ever, all 4 of us are home. Where else would we be? The kids take turns setting the table, with the other one doing clean up. Then they get ready for bed (ABBT: All But Brushing Teeth). We’ve never been a dessert-every-night-family, but yeah, we do that now.
Main Event	This is not a COVID thing. The kids have always required that each night contain “A Main Event,” which is something that they both agree is special. It’s a board game, some kind of tournament or project, or a movie or episode that everyone at home has to watch. While I’ll miss it when the Main Event fades away (and it undoubtedly will), the need to come up with something daily is exhausting.

I feel like it’s important for weekend days to feel really different from “school” days so that we all return to the weekday schedule feeling refreshed and like we had a break from the new norm. In practice, we haven’t figured out how to do this well yet, given that our leave-the-house options are so limited and the weekend weather’s been bad. Hoping for some hikes or nicer outside walks to come.

Schedules, Routines, and Normalcy

We all have likely heard the importance of keeping up typical routines, creating a predictable schedule, and maintaining a sense of normalcy during times of stress and rapid change. Taking care of the basics, like waking and eating at our regular times are the first steps to ensuring our mental and physical energy stores are available for ourselves and for the task of supporting our kids. (Shout out to my husband who was interviewed on Vermont Edition about managing stress and anxiety during COVID!)

Many of us have routines that we can use as a foundation and build on during these times, but many of us are establishing new routines or changing existing ones. So how do we jump in?

First, some great thoughts from PBS Kids for Parents.

Second, it’s taken our family a couple of weeks to settle into a bit of a schedule. I think it’s incredibly important to remember that every family will have different needs, priorities, and constraints and so there is definitely no “one size fits all” approach available here. This is why it’s important to take these ideas as considerations and possibilities to adapt to your own circumstances. And then remind yourself constantly to be flexible because no two days will likely be the same. And just in time for this post, Common Sense Media started Wide Open School that has great suggestions for schedules and structuring of the day (as well as activities for learning, self-care, movement, etc. to put into those slots) that I encourage you to check out.

So, right now, this is what is working for us:
8-9: Get ready for school (clothes, brushing teeth, eating breakfast, morning chores)
9-10: Outdoor/movement/mediation time (whatever you need for your body to be ready to learn)
10-11:30: Adult supported learning time (our school has provided menus of options for each subject area and we're trying to check off 2/subject by the end of the week)
11:30-12:30: Lunchtime (prepare, eat, and clean up) and then play time
12:30-1:15: Quiet reading time (works well with our pre-nap routine)
Afternoon Flex Time: We've created our own menu (thanks Jo for the idea!) with suggested times for the boys to structure their time, and allow me to get my work done! Some ideas:

• Independent time (no one can interact with anyone else)
• Free choice (technology allowed)
• Movement/outdoor time
• Household help (regular chores, but now there is more to be done so involve them in it! Heck, organize your house!)
• Collaborative learning/explore time (board games; cards; puzzles; video chats/interviews; creating art, scripts, media; learn another language…)
• Music time (practice, listen, dance, hear a friend play their instrument...)

That all sounds grand, right? Okay, here are the outtakes:

• The weather is amazing! Scrap the schedule and get outside for as long as possible!
• Dance parties sound really fun, and then someone gets a bloody lip!
• That livestream of a workout I want to do isn’t at the right time. Adjust schedule!
• That livestream of Mo Willems or story time isn’t at the right time. Adjust schedule!
• Friend is available to FaceTime-adjust schedule again!
• I’m exhausted. Free choice just got extended!
• That writing prompt went way faster than I expected (or was a complete bust). Who wants to play a game on pbskids.org?

And here are some of the pleasant surprises:

• Devoting time to being present with my kids, especially in different combinations (when I can), has been very positive for all of us. And I already have a much better sense of what they are interested in, which allows me to get them learning in ways that they want to (no more pulling teeth!).
• My kids have rarely asked that dreaded question, “What can I do?”
• Somehow the siblings are actually getting along. This one is still a conundrum to me (but perhaps has to do with that devoting time thing…), but I’m going to ride it for as long as it lasts.