Caps for Sale

Most of us know the classic book Caps For Sale by Esphyr Slobodkina, but in case you need a refresher… A peddler carries all his hats on his head, neatly stacked and organized by color, trying to sell them. As the day rolls on, he finds his way to the shade of a tree to rest, being careful not to disturb his hats. As he naps, some monkeys snatch up his hats and then sit with them in the tree above him. When he awakes, he tries to cajole the monkeys into giving him his hats back with some finger shaking and hand wringing and foot stomping, but the monkeys just “tsz” him, and his anger grows until he throws his only hat on the ground. To his surprise, the monkeys copy him and begin to throw their hats to the ground! The book ends with the peddler reorganizing his caps by color, placing them on his head, and returning to his regular business of selling caps.

At first I was surprised to find myself thinking about this book on a recent walk I was taking. But then I realized how apt a metaphor that book is for our current situation. We are all wearing many hats right now, and there are oh so many monkeys out there messing with them. And the more we meet those monkeys with anger and frustration, the more we will have it mirrored right back at us. But connecting with those monkeys will let us sort through our hats, reorganize them, and keep on walking. Here’s what I mean:

Wearing Many Hats

Right now we are wearing all those hats--parent, partner, teacher, house cleaner, master organizer, manager of technology, professional, referee, and plain own self! We definitely wish we could sell some of those hats. Heck, “50 cents a hat” is sounding pretty darn good right about now! Not only are we wearing all of those hats, but the roles that they represent have morphed and changed at an alarmingly rapid rate. What it means to be a parent right now is quite different than when we had options for breaks from our children, when we weren’t responsible for supporting their learning at home, when they could play sports or be physically with their friends, when we weren’t worried about ourselves or others getting sick, etc. And being a parent of children who are at different stages of learning, development, and emotion means that it’s really not a single hat. Keeping those new, multiplied, stretched out hats balanced on our heads has become precarious. How can we organize them and make them neat again?

As always, I don’t really know how we organize those hats to balance them nicely on our heads. But as someone who has always preferred neat and tidy to messy, here is what I’m learning right now. Shifting between hats is really challenging! Recognizing which hat I’m currently wearing and which hat is being asked for is definitely helpful in meeting the need coming at me. And recognizing that it can take time to switch hats is also important. Give yourself a minute, or a breath, and then orient yourself to what new thing is in front of you. Also, if you can avoid shifting repeatedly and rapidly, that seems ideal. For me this means that I have 2 hours in the morning where I’m mom to 4 kids and we eat and play and try to get outside. Then I have an hour and a half with my older 2 kids where I am mom and teacher supporting their learning. Then I have 4 hours where I put on that professional hat. Then back to mom… So I have transitions between my roles, but I have chunks of time where I’m wearing just one or a couple of those hats. (I know many of you don’t have the same options for structuring your time, but hopefully there are still chances to chunk your times in ways that help minimize role transitions.)

Monkey Business

Okay, reality check: There are multiple interruptions to the time engrossed in a particular role. At any moment, I can become a referee, technology manager, or house cleaner (how did yogurt end up there?!). We are going to stumble when our caps are removed, switched, and out of order, and the messiness that was hidden in that neat stack is bound to be revealed. I guess we just embrace the honesty of that, and try to feel okay about it.

Then there’s the fact that there is an abundance of uncertainty about how long we will be in our current situation, what further changes in routines or schedule we will need to navigate, and the resulting emotions that are a part of all of that. Since there are 7 of us living in our house, there are a lot of cycles through emotions, and the cycles have higher peaks, lower valleys, and are more condensed. But when I think of all that is being thrown at me as “monkey business,” it can feel just a little bit lighter and I can feel a little bit better. Maybe it will for you too.

Throw Down Your Hat

It seems that at some point each day there is a moment of acceptance (or perhaps it looks like resignation, but I think it might have a kernel of acceptance buried under it). “Okay, we’re really doing this for another day.” And miraculously, when that moment arrives is when we each typically rise to the occasion. When we were fighting against those monkeys, they were fighting right back. But when we realized that those monkeys just want to play with us, we can look up and gain a new perspective. We can begin to pick up and organize those hats and keep on walking. And lo and behold, when we pick up our hats and keep on walking along, our children tend to follow.

The closest picture I could find to multiple hats!