Failing My Imagined Self

I’m saddened to report that I’m failing my imagined self. I had a long-standing vision of all the things I’d do if I had more time at home. I’d be the same, but different, and better! Granted, I didn’t envision that “a lot of time at home” would also involve playing teacher and trying to manage a full workload, but that doesn’t make the chasm between my actual and imagined self less anti-climactic. Here are some ways in which I’ve been entirely kidding myself (not a comprehensive list).

I always thought that if I had more time at home...

I’d bake bread!
Hot pretzels, challah, bagels...I’d make them all! In the last 2 months I’ve enjoyed seeing these achievements of others pop up on my Facebook feed. No matter how many times I scroll through my photos, I don’t have any like that.

I’d paint!
I enjoy painting, and when I’m working on something, I power through it and can’t wait to start another project...and then my easel -- large, unstable, and constantly set up in the middle of my office -- remains untouched for months and months. “It’s because I’m hardly ever home!,” I told myself…

I’d reorg my closet!
I would achieve the perfect setup. Everything would be reachable, with favorites of everything standing at the ready. Season rotations would be a snap (a commercial break!). The sorting would be clear, consistent, and so easy to maintain. High piles would not exist, of course, but if they did they would NEVER fall over. And the scrunched up plastic bags, single socks, and shirt that’s been crunched up in the corner for a year? Of course those wouldn’t be there anymore.

I’d make donation bags!
Pocketbooks, backpacks, shoes, jackets-- there’s so much that can go, paving the way for the great closet reorg AND giving things to people who need them.

I’d open my mail!
Aside from The New Yorker and The Week (great digestible news magazine!), my mail just sits there...not just for a little bit of time, but for a really, really long time. But that wouldn’t happen if I could be home more!

I’d wipe the wall!
There’s a crayon mark on the wall in the bathroom. It’s been there for at least 2 years. I notice it often (translation: I stare at it daily), and it would probably take 2 minutes to get rid of. I can literally remember thinking, “If I had more time at home I’d definitely take care of that.”

Two months into “more time at home,” a machine made my bread (thank you, Fresh Direct!), the eisel is an obstacle rather than a tool, my closet thinks it’s December, I have things other people want more, and my tea mug is literally on top of a large pile of mail. My imagined self is seriously late for her (my?) debut. But as I wait in anticipation for her (me?) to emerge, I’m wondering if the crayon mark adds a nice splash of color to the bathroom. I was going to start working on all of these things next week, but maybe I’ll hold off on just that one.