Connecting through Media

Contributing Author: Savitha Moorthy, Executive Director of Tandem Partners in Early Learning, and also a fellow parent trying her best to keep it together like the rest of us!

When my son Avi was about 18 months old, one of his favorite tricks was to reach into my pocket while roaring like a tiger. This was his way of asking me to play Daniel Tiger videos on my phone. Like many modern parents, my husband and I have worried from time to time about how we can navigate the tricky territory of media use with a young child--and in our current reality, these concerns have reared their heads again.

Doing away with screens is simply unrealistic even in normal times but it is especially the case at the moment. Also, it just feels like a double standard in a home where the two adults use their laptops and mobile phones for a substantial amount of the day. I don’t claim to have found any answers, but over the last few weeks, my family is evolving towards something that’s working for us: an imperfect mix of media use, conversation, storytelling, and, admittedly, a little electronic babysitting that helps us all hang on to our sanity.

1. We focus on the good stuff.

There’s a reason why Daniel Tiger was one of Avi’s first show. Relatable experiences, characters that model positive traits, and the potential to stimulate comments and questions are the hallmarks of the media we love. When we watch Daniel Visits the Doctor, we compare Daniel’s experience with Avi’s own pediatric appointments. It’s because of Dinosaur Train, Avi has learned to say, “I have a hypothesis,” and now he even knows what that means. From Puffin Rock and Tumble Leaf, he has learned how to channel his curiosity and explore things in the world around him.

2. Screen time sparks conversation.

My husband and I often join Avi when he’s watching a show or playing with an app. We ask him questions about things we’re watching and doing, point out things that are interesting to us, and relate the things in the show or the app to our real life. While this type of interaction is ideal, engaging in it is a luxury. If we’re busy when Avi is watching a video or playing with an app, as is often the case, we try to talk with him about the show afterward, at dinner or bath time, or sometimes even when we are out for a walk. He tells us what he thinks, and while it’s not always coherent, it sure is fun to listen.

3. We connect media with off-screen play and storytelling.

Sometimes the media content leaks off the screen into our life, into our play and storytelling. I have the Peep Family Science app on my phone, and watching the videos and animated stories about ramps has led to hours of fun as we experimented with how objects moved down ramps, developed a language for talking about it (some things roll while other things slide), and, with the help of some corrugated cardboard and a staircase, fashioned some ramps of our own.

4. Screens help us stay in touch with the people we love.

Our childcare provider offers a half hour of virtual programming every day of the week. There’s a song, a book, a craft activity and before you know it, we’re all saying goodbye. A video call with a bunch of four-year-olds is exactly as dysfunctional as you imagine it’s going to be. Children wander on- and off-screen, parents struggle to keep up with the transitions, and the conversation is rich in non-sequiturs. But it is the best thirty minutes of our day: the virtual school gives our family one little anchor around which we structure our daily routine and the opportunity for Avi to connect with his teachers and his friends is priceless.

Our system is far from perfect.

Like all families, we have breakdowns from time to time, and we struggle with them. It is often companionable to sit on the couch together, doing parallel play with our respective media—but Avi is usually not ready to stop when we are ready for him to, and this story always ends in tears.

Although we are pretty relaxed about screen time at home, especially now, we do have some clear boundaries. The television comes on only when we’re intentionally watching something. There are no screens while we’re eating or before bed time. We prioritize spending time outdoors over staying home. We’re lucky to live in a place where going outside is an option almost all year round, but even when it isn’t, we try to find something to do where we can move our bodies. I’ve learned the hard way that burning energy is key to a successful afternoon nap, and it keeps us (adults and children) away from the temptation of screens.